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These mathematical jokes circulated back in the good old days before NT...
Welcome to Salem Massachusetts, circa the 20th century.
(courtesy of a little ASCII addition)
M S - D O S 6 . 2 1 77 + 83 + 45 + 68 + 79 + 83 + 32 + 54 + 46 + 50 + 49 = 666 W I N D O W S 9 6 87 + 73 + 78 + 68 + 79 + 87 + 83 + 57 + 54 = 666 S Y S T E M 7 . 0 83 + 89 + 83 + 84 + 69 + 77 + 32 + 55 + 46 + 48 = 666
Coincidence? We think not!
Okay, so who wants to call the Enquirier and get some money for this?
[forwards quickly re-reading the book of 'Revelation']
The real name of Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III.
Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates (III), where "III" means the order
of third (3rd.)
By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and
adding his (III), you get the following:
B 66
I 73
L 76
L 76
G 71
A 65
T 84
E 69
S 83
+ 3
--------------------
666 !!
Some might ask, "How did Bill Gates get so powerful?" Coincidence? Or just the beginning of mankind's ultimate and total enslavement??? YOU decide!
April '98
Bill Gates gets his butt whupped in Senate.
King geek finally admits that not only has he has conspired to create a
monopoly but he wouldn't know an open system if shook him by the hand and introduced itself.
The question now is what will happen next.
Time for Steve Jobs to enter stage left methinks... watch this space
May '98
So Bill is now trying to back out of his anti-trust deal in the same
week as shipping win98... we mustn't upset the customers now Bill.
Shortly after Bill Gates was killed in a freak accident, he
found himself being sized up by Saint Peter.
"Bill, this is a tough call. You've made great technological
advancement with Microsoft, but you've also given us Windows 95.
I think I'm going to let you choose between heaven and hell."
"That sounds fair," Gates replied. "Can I have a look at hell
first?"
Saint Peter showed his guest a wonderland of sunny beaches, beautiful
women, sumptuous food and an ideal climate. "If this is hell," Gates
exclaimed, "I want to see heaven."
Saint Peter led the way through billowy clouds filled with
angel playing golden harps. "Hmm," Gates pondered. "This is nice, but
I think I prefer hell."
Two weeks later, Saint Peter went to hell to check on the billionaire.
He found him shackled to a wall, surrounded by shooting flames
and tormenting demons. "Saint Peter!" Gates cried. "This is awful! This
is nothing like the hell I visited. What happened to that place,
the one with the beaches, the beautiful women and the delicious
food?"
"Oh, that," Saint Peter replied. "That was just a demo."
Did you know where Billy got the name Microsoft?
His girlfiend gave it to him as a nickname
Sadly the airplane carrying King Bill, Al Gore and Bill Clinton crashed.
Up in heaven the three are questioned by big G.
God turns to Al and asks "What do you believe in Al"?
Al quickly replies "I believe that the global ecology is under threat from human overconsumption and pollution, we must ban the automobile, stop burning fossil fuel and cut CFC emissions or the greenhouse effect will destroy life on..."
"OK, OK Al, I think that we have heard this before, nevertheless you may come and
sit on my left", replies God.
"Now, Mr President, what do you believe in"?
Bill Clinton, never the fastest thinker on his feet, looks worried for a moment and
then brightens "I believe in the rights of each human being to liberty and the
freedom to pursue happiness..... and... errr... I believe in feeling people's pain".
"I might have guessed", said God, "never expect anything original from a politician, I suppose that will have to do, come and sit on my right".
God now turns to Big Bill, "So what do you believe in Mr Gates"?
"I believe that you are sitting in my chair", replies Bill
This joke was sent to me in an email and is uncomfortably close to the truth
COMPUTERS VS CARS
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept
up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be
driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to
buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no
reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have
to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought
"Car95" or "CarN(e)T." But then you would have to buy more seats which are
sold separately.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable,
five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five
per cent of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning
lights would be replaced by a single "general car fault" warning
light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lift the door handle,
turn the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of
Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need
them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately
cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 or more. Moreover, GM would become
a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to
learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in
the same manner as the old car.
13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
14. Every time GM introduced a new model the car won't fit in your
garage. You'd have to expand your garage or buy a bigger house.
15. Your car will routinely get "the System is Busy or Unstable"
message unless you use GM's gasoline.
I have to take issue with the original statement which is obviously flawed. Remember that the file size required for a document increases by approx an order of magnitude with each release of Word then Bill's original statement should read...
"If GM had kept
up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be
driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 0.1 miles to the gallon
and had a top speed of 1 mile per hour."
Then just like Microsoft products they would be cheap, nasty and highly
inefficient.